Wednesday? Well, it’s only 6AM, and I’ve only been up for an hour, but it’s been a shitty hour.
Not because of things happening. Like, it’s not like I woke up and my cat clawed my face off, which would be unfortunate to say the least.
I just feel like all the joy has been drained in my body. The feeling is as physical as it is emotional. My body is heavy; my gait is slow; my jaw is tight; my stomach hurts; I have a clawing ache in my ribs. I had a friend who did ecstasy and told me about the serotonin drop and subsequent depression the next day. What he described is exactly what I feel like on the day-to-day — just like those resources have been physically siphoned away from me. And hell, I didn’t even do any fun sexy drugs first.
And because this is a physical problem (your brain, after all, is an organ), I’ve been doing what I can to treat it physically. My nutrition game has been top-notch lately. Lots of omega-3 fatty acids, mostly from seafood and flax, lots of green vegetables, lots of nuts and coconut and healthy oils. I’ve been snuggling my fiance even more than usual lately, which is impressive because we’re both Stage 5 Clingers and always touching body parts in some way or another. I’ve also been petting my cat more, because dude is fuzzy and warm and never stops purring, like a portable babbling brook.
But I still wake up feeling emotionally hungover every day.
The good news is, my fiance and his mother worked together to get me a shrink appointment for tomorrow. Given my experiences with doctors, that turnaround is pretty goddamn miraculous. I’m so lucky to have such a wonderful support system.